This Is Letting Go

Featured image description: A graffiti work of art by Banksy, where “a young girl, windswept and monochrome,[is] reaching for a bright red, heart-shaped balloon” on a whitewashed storefront.

A short post, but I want to commemorate my history for the last 5 years, and the people in it:

Every year, March 15-17 is some of the hardest times I’ve experienced, starting back in 2018. And nothing’s different this year, at least not in hard circumstances and grief.

What IS different, is my ability to cope in healthy ways. What’s different is my belief in myself and my belief that things will continue to get better. I miss my friends that have left this earth too soon. I miss the ladies I used to care for at Star Manor. And now I will miss the certainty that at least my basic bills are paid for if my body fails me (I’m losing my financial support).

But have I ever given up before? No, because I’m still here. I have a job interview today for a company I’m really excited for. And as slow as networking is going, I’m still building my business and finding my DEI niche. AND I am still pursuing my dreams of writing and performing music. I am capable of so many things. It’s been a long, hard 5 years, but every step into 2023 is feeling lighter and lighter. I’m starting to feel like I get to play again, to be full of life and love without harsh consequence. Child-like joy and curiosity fills me every morning, even if I still feel sad here and there. Is this what letting go feels like?

Thanks for reading.

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